Can I have a bite?

NO!

For those who know me and my eating habits well, know that I do NOT share my food. ESPECIALLY if it's a dessert. Good luck getting a fork in there. Not going to happen. Actually, that's not true, the ritual goes something like this:

1. Everyone's food arrives
2. I survey everyone's food and see what I'm missing and then dig in to my own, sometimes asking for a bite of others
3. Someone will ask to have some of my food (before I'm done)
4. I respond in the negative, and indicate that I'm perfectly willing to share when I've eaten as much as I want and if there is still some leftover (if it's a dessert, there won't be any leftover).
5. The questioner doesn't believe me and tries to eat some of my food. It never ends well when this happens.

I have begun to tell others this fact when I'm eating with them. Often to the point that they think I'm moderately crazy. Someone will say "wow, that looks good" and I'll respond "I'm sorry, I don't share." Or, someone will offer me their food and I'll say, "I'd love to try some, but I won't share mine"

There are certain circumstances in which I am perfectly willing to share, as long as I know ahead of time when I'm getting into. Fondue, for instance, definitely a share food. Ethiopian, Thai, Indian, pizza (obviously)...all foods that I actually like to share. But I must know before I begin eating my meal that there will be sharing involved.

So I have speculated this crazy behavior stems from my childhood (what doesn't, really?) when my sister would take usurp my food from under my fork. AAAAAHHH! it was SO annoying. And my parents wouldn't do anything about it (the issue was that everyone knew I wouldn't finish my food, but still..) We finally worked out a ritual in which she was allowed to partake in my meal only after I had finished (which, I admit is kind of annoying, because if you just want a french fry, you do not want to wait until I'm done and then they're cold and gross). This is the ritual that I continue to this day. Jeff knows the deal, and has lovingly accepted my non-food sharing idiosyncrasy. And he will even share his food with me knowing that I won't share until the bitter end. That is, until this weekend.

We went out to brunch Sunday morning and agonized over our decisions on what to eat. We finally decided and I went for an Eggs Benedict of sorts: the base was a popover, (we were eating at a restaurant called "Popover Cafe"), with smoked salmon, eggs and a lemon hollandaise. It was everything I love in a breakfast, runny eggs, smoked salmon and saucy goodness...and, as it turns out, everything Jeff dislikes. He ordered a "flopover" (I told you the name of this place was Popover Cafe), a pancake like thing with some sweet yummy fruit filling.

So our food arrived and mine looked and tasted DELICIOUS. The lemon in the hollandaise was a perfect match for the smoked salmon. But Jeff's too, looked very very yummy. Recently, I have fallen into a weekend breakfast routine in which I crave both sweet and savory things. So, I clearly had the savory covered, but I really felt like I needed some sweet to round out my brunch. I obviously turned to Jeff's breakfast and very politely and sweetly asked for a bite of his breakfast. He looked up at me with my outstretched fork with a pained look on his face. And then, all of a sudden the pain in his face melted away to a smile and he responded "No."

What?!
And he then said "See? it comes back to bite you in the [expletive]"

What?!
My friend that we were eating with got a good chuckle while Jeff continued to clean his plate. I quickly offered some of my food, which he took a look at and nearly threw up all over. He then started a discussion of how runny eggs are the most disgusting thing ever.

Needless to say, I was shocked. I began to understand how it feels to be rejected at the food request. However, it was definitely not enough for me to change my ways. I definitely will never ever learn to share desserts. I tell myself that no one could possibly enjoy the dessert as much as I, so I would really be doing a dis-service to the dessert if I shared.

I am hopeful that this wasn't a sign that Jeff is going to share his food less, that would just simply, not be fair!