fresh, give or take

Today I was waiting in the gargantuan line at Whole Foods that forms every day at dinner time. They are very smart with their marketing and placement and I'm always tempted with cupcakes and rice pudding and fancy chocolates and two-bite blueberry scones (which I have succumbed to the temptation before) and all sorts of other goodies. It's quite difficult to wait in that line without buying anything. Who wouldn't want a cupcake in its very own plastic cupcake carrying case?

While I was waiting in line today, my wandering eyes fell upon the parmesano reggiano display. Nothing exciting going on there (no chocolates exploding out of the display or anything) and just as my eyes were going to wander to something more interesting I saw the sign: "freshly grated parmesan."

Huh. That's funny, I had the impression that freshly grated cheese meant that it needed to be grated as needed. Like, for instance, if a recipe called for "freshly grated parmesan cheese" they meant, that you stop cooking, you pull out the block of cheese and the grater and you grate it. It does not mean GO TO THE STORE AND BUY PRE-GRATED CHEESE. Even if the sign on the cheese display says "freshly grated." At some point this must be false advertising, but I'm guessing the FDA does not regulate the time between cheese grating and putting it on display. Even if there was someone actually standing there grating the cheese, it would NOT be fresh by the time you used it. Even if you somehow managed to breeze through the Whole Foods line and ran out the front door. Hmmm...unless I guess you lived in Columbus Circle, then you're essentially home already, so it would be fresh (but you'd also have so much money that you probably also have a chef that would freshly grate your cheese for you). But that's only if there was a guy/gal standing there grating it. I can guarantee it was at the very least HOURS since it was grated.

So I went to the dictionary to see if maybe there was another definition for fresh that would explain this sign. Let's see...
"retaining the original properties unimpaired; not stale or spoiled" - no, definitely not. it's definitely been "impaired" in the grating process (fresh or not fresh).
"looking youthful and healthy" - nah, don't think so
"not tired or fatigued; brisk; vigorous" - hmm... maybe, but how can I tell if cheese is "not tired"?
"forward or presumptuous" - ha! maybe this is it. at the very least it's presumptuous to advertise the cheese as being freshly grated.

Anyway, all I really have to say is that the point of freshly grated cheese is that it actually tastes better. Plus it's just a big fat lie if they say that it is freshly grated, when clearly it is not. But I have to hand it to them, they are definitely capitalizing on people's stupidity.